I Have Never..............

I have never shaved my head, been on a cruise, dated anyone famous, taken the holiday of my dreams, worn a wedding dress, eaten sushi, travelled on the AVE, won the lottery or anything else for that matter, been ambitious, taken part in a MISS competition, worn a wig, been on a jury,spent 500 euros on a handbag, forgiven myself for wrong roads taken, dyed my hair black,used a blackberry, been to the movies alone, had twins,stopped liking the Temptations and Marvin Gaye, forgotten my first boyfriend, learned to tango or play the piano,sent food back in a restaurant, had plastic surgery, told secrets I´ve been asked to keep,looked good in photos, regretted stopping smoking, been as thin as I would have liked, had sex with a woman, been the sporty type- tennis, horse riding etc...., believed in OVNIS, doubted I have a guardian angel,understood love at first sight or the stock exchange, been threatened at gunpoint,travelled in a yellow cab in New York, really been the mother my children deserve, changed a flat tyre, liked jewellery very much, waxed my legs, believed in coincidence, understood the reckless road of self-destruction that my youngest son travels along, cleaned my car often enough, forgotten Chataway Rd, drank beer or coffee, not been disappointed by the men in my life with the exception of my eldest son who I admire immensely and who is a credit to himself and himself alone, liked ironing or cleaning windows, made trifle as often as I should, known a couple so dedicated to each other as my parents, liked or understood cricket or Prince Charles, ceased to be amazed at how beautiful and clever my grandchildren are and whoever they become hope they think of me with a smile, stopped being impatient and shouting very loud when mad, minded travelling by bus, forgotten a Xmas Eve walking hand in hand in the dark with the snow scrunching under my feet, understood what men find so fascinating about football, EVER taken for granted the unspoken forgiveness of my two older children, thank you, I love you both, camped in a tent, wanted to be a nurse, been hard to please and I could go on and on........ so do we really LIVE our lives or are we just the result of circumstance and random events that make us up and carry us along?



Forgive many things in others, nothing in yourself.
Ausonius.

Positive thinking

When you are in your funky 50´s it´s not unusual ( to be loved by anyone, no - seriously ) to look back and review decisions made and choices taken along the way. If you are very lucky and extremely clever you will have no regrets whatsoever, in which case stop reading and smile smugly!
Even if some of the moves you have made have not been the correct ones, is it a good idea to dwell on these things? Should we let the past throw a dark shadow over the present? The problem about things that have gone before is that there is absolutely nothing you can do to change them. Hell, you can´t even take back something you said five minutes ago, never mind twenty years ago! Living with regret or guilt and looking to lay the blame is soul destroying and sad. It´s especially sad because it holds you back with negative thoughts and prevents true joy in present circumstances from shining through. We grow physically ( not always exactly in the way we had in mind!) but I´m sure we don´t grow emotionally unless we try really hard to understand why we did this, said that, behaved that way, made that decision and at the same time remember we were different people then and at that precise moment it seemed just right. The hardest thing but the best thing we can do is forgive ourselves and others for all those wrong moves, not forget them,
but file them away in a very DEEP recess and look forward flooded with positive thoughts and energy, belief and a determination to change, not take our thoughts so seriously and focus on all the great things that can still happen! Perhaps the best decisions are yet to be made!!


If might have beens were kings and queens then we´d have kingdoms all.
Unknown author.

Equals.

Have we women put our foot in it and spoilt it for ourselves with our endless quest for equality?
Was it so bad to let men go out into the world and do the bread winning while we stayed at home doing what we wanted? Yes I know you´re thinking of housework and cooking, but be honest wasn´t there always time for oneself! We´ve gone on and on about it so much that now we´re EXPECTED to do everything, which can be very unsatisfactory at times. Can men deal with strong minded independent women? Do they still yearn for the fluffy feminines who hang on to their every word, rather than the challenging go getters who criticise and dismiss their ideas with a brisk ¨don´t be ridiculous ¨ Have we made men feel insecure? Many women feel suffocated with all the demands of the lives they lead and therefore tend to be impatient with partners. Are we expecting too much of the poor things? Men are often bewildered by hysterical outbursts when their only crime (as they see it) is not remembering to buy the bread. Women are by nature multi-taskers, men generally are not. Are the roles slowly changing? Are we the ones with purpose and direction and are they secretly enjoying it, staying in the background letting us get on with it? Will this all blow up in our funky faces? Is there going to be a price to pay? Will they be turning to us for endless support, constantly needing reassurance and hugs?
Will we become ¨blokes with breasts¨ is that how they will eventually see us? Well we´ve only got ourselves to blame, who said - Be careful what you wish for, you might just get it!

Judge your success by what you had to give up to get it.

The Dalai Lama.

Ramblings.

I have just sat down here with nothing special in mind. I´ve been told to write whatever comes to mind. Well what comes to mind at the moment is that the heat is intense for the first of July and although I always say I love summer I seem to forget clothes sticking to you and the sweat pouring down your face at all times! Apart from that it´s great. The nights are the best, last night I went to a Flamenco show in a bar just a few paces from the beach, the soft velvety breeze and the smell of the sea so close, I could have stayed all night. I love to watch flamenco dancing and the girls last night were pretty good. The costumes, the music, the clapping and the sheer passion of the dancers, it´s noisy and wild and very difficult to do. I know this because I have taken dancing classes and have really enjoyed it, but it´s not as easy as it looks (like most things in life !) Another thing I love about summer is icy cold champagne on my balcony as night falls. I don´t have a fantastic sea view, but the view of a very busy street with bars and people everywhere and I´m quite happy with that as it passes the time in a quiet, nosy way! The town is starting to fill up with holiday makers, the shops are full, there is nowhere to park and groups of teenagers ( and not so teenagers ) sing loudly at four in the morning making sleep difficult.
O the joys of summer! I love it!



Dream as if you´ll live for ever. Live as if you´ll die today.
James Dean.

Disenchanted Dame.

With all this talk about the fifities being the new forties for all of us and the fact that we tend to live longer because we are conscious of how important it is to stay healthy and thereby keep looking reasonably good, I was very surprised to see a job - ad for a well known department store, that apart from its childrens section, has an average customer age group of around 35+ The age required for the position of sales assistant was between 20 and 45. I was shocked, surely that could be increased by at least ten years. I am well past 45 yet I´m sure I could not only do the job, but actually enjoy it, if given the chance. I like clothes, I take care of my appearance, I´m used to dealing with people and I understand the importance of being treated graciously! And that has to be true for many women who want to get back to work and would love to be given the opportunity. Let´s not forget that not all of us have careers and professions.
When in big stores I often find myself being treated with boredom and disdain by the very young assistants who spend their time giggling between themselves and with a definite air of ¨ God, what does she want now?¨ if I have to ask for their help. There are lots of women who, when shopping are absolutely sure of themselves, of their style and what does and doesn´t work for them, but that´s not always the case and here is where a really good assistant comes in. How short sighted of these companies to disregard such invaluable resources that we funky50´s possess!

It is never too late to be what you might have been.

George Eliot.

Going Solo

At this time of the year our thoughts of course turn to HOLIDAYS. What else? Family holidays, couple holidays, friends together holidays, but what about the going it alone holidays. Is it easy to holiday completely alone? I would say no, but maybe... You do have to be a pretty confident funky to stroll nonchalantly around the airport and do the same in your Hotel dining room when everyone is sat around in twos and fours. Then there are the trips, travelling on strange buses or trains alone with no one to share things with ( the language, criticize the food, admire the waiters, tell you you can´t possibly wear those shorts!) ) That´s the down side, but are you a player or a spectator? Alone you can go wherever you feel like, get up when you want even if it means missing breakfast, shop till you drop, see tacky shows ( why not?) lie on the beach and read a whole book, or spend the day drinking sangria in your new favourite place. If your idea of a fantastic holiday is monuments and history, scuba diving or water skiing, that´s fine! Suiting yourself is the name of the game here! Getting to know people who don´t know anything at all about you or your life, in itself has to be exciting at least! I have never taken a holiday alone but think I would love to do so. I know ladies who have and they have enjoyed themselves and often repeat the experience. Thing is, it could make you absolutely appreciate your family and be dying to rush back to them or deliberately lose your return ticket and make a bee line for the sangria and the shorts!!

Every moment holds the potential for you to think of a new option.
Barbara Marciniak.

Adjust or Bust!

Last summer I finally ditched the bikini and went for a sensible one piece (well not too sensible it did have sequins) although later on in the summer I regretted the decision as a wobbly tum looks much better if brown, by then it was too late to go back to the bikini, that would have been hideous. I haven´t decided yet which I´ll go for this summer, I am inclined towards the one piece again, some things are not for public viewing, especially due to lack of exposure they are now whiter than white! On a more serious note here, actually deciding to cover up, albeit just a little, was one more step for me on the realising¨ I´m not what I used to be¨path. I have never taken my health for granted although I have sometimes abused the body with favourite food and drink. I am especially fond of champagne though it´s not a wise choice for the waistline or the head the morning after.Apart from these occasional failings I´m on it. During our 20´s and 30´s we seem to manage anything, eat, drink whatever and whenever, go without sleep and function, cope with stress and just keep going but once you hit the big 5 0 you have to make adjustments if you want to storm into old age as a fabulous funkyfifty who´s still worth it should! It can be difficult to deal with at times, though. A friend of mine said recently that after a certain age women become invisible, whereas men very often improve with age ( yes ---life is unfair)We mustn´t let it get to us, a quick mental shake up and hold this thought - ageing is a state of mind.

Beautiful young people are works of nature, but beautiful old people are works of art.

David Foster.

LATER DATING -- FUN or FIASCO?

How does a funkyfifty approach the issue of dating at a later date --as it were? At our age one would think we´d got it all worked out, knowing exactly what we want. But do we- DO WE? How many of us are guilty of repeating past mistakes? Falling time and time again for the same type?
Where do we meet these elusive males that we have always dreamed of? That always say just what you wanted to hear? That are always ready for fun, trips, shopping, serious drinking, doing the crossword, dancing till dawn depending on your fancy? Answer -- they only exist in your dreams! My experience of the male specie (did I spell that right?) approaching 55-60 is one of a type pretty short on patience with anything that doesn´t interest HIM, where we women talk US they talk I, disapproving of excess eating, drinking or dancing (unless they are the ones doing it) and all in all fairly LAME. If other types exist please get quickly in touch.
On-line dating gives you the advantage of being able to be how you want to be, outrageous and funny, witty and intelligent without the pressure of actual physical presence and crafty you, if you get fed up just hit the button!
I doubt that men on line mention hairy backs or baldness, and what should we avoid -sagging bottoms, flabby underarms? Appearance isn´t everything (snigger, snigger) but let´s face it if you don´t find someone easy on the eye - it´s difficult! (And things can be difficult enough!)
This brings to mind the experience of an aquaintance of mine who answered a date-ad and when they finally met (after a little confusion) his first remark was ¨you´re flat chested" to which she replied "And you´re short" The resulting mutual attitude was one of " Well sod you then"
Don´t let me put you off though, check this out www.maturefreeandsingle.com
MOST matches are definitely not made in heaven, but on line - who knows?







Imagination is more important than knowledge.

Albert Einstein.

Costa Chit Chat

Summer´s in the air and time to think of relaxing somewhere sunny and fun, a place where you really feel that you are on holiday. If you have clicked on to ABOUT ME you will know that lucky me, I live in such a place.
Nerja is a beautiful town just around 50 kilometres from Malaga. Although it´s a tourist spot it manages to maintain very much its village feel. That´s down to the people here that never tire of arranging and taking part in all kinds of celebrations that are pure tradition and year after year they are celebrated with the same enthusiasm. There is hardly a month of the year that doesn´t have some kind of fiesta.
In June we celebrate the eve of San Juan with bonfires and bbq´s on the beach and July is the turn of the Virgen del Carmen who is carried through the streets and finally taken out to sea on her own boat, beautifully decorated with flowers and accompanied by a fantastic firework display. In August there is a three day festival called the Festival of the 3 Cultures, it´s held in the very nearby village of Frigiliana, only nine kilometres up the mountain road from Nerja.
If you click onto VIDEOS there is a video of Nerja and I have some photos too.
We are only a bus ride from Malaga and Granada, two beautiful, historic cities well worth visiting.
OK that´s it, have I sold you on the idea? Will you be on the next flight over?

Hey why not, maybe we´ll meet up one day, I always spend the summer here!!

Let Joy be your feelings,
Love your attire, and you will discover a mystical paradise
Here on earth.


Michael Levy.

Untying the Shrivelled Knot.

What makes funkyfifty ladies decide to divorce their husbands of 20 or 30 something years?
And here I´m talking about the WOMEN who make the decision and just DO IT!
A possible reason is that once the offspring are off out into the world and you´re left home alone with hubby dearest you realise you now live with a stranger. Those little things you found so quirky are now just bloody irritating and endless droning on about the Champion League is enough to send any funkyfifty who´s still worth it flying off the nearest balcony!
Economical issues and retirement on the horizon can cause huge cracks in the most solid unions.
Disagreements on how and where the next 20 something years will be spent is a startling wake up call for many happily marrieds.
But what if you simply feel you are being taken for granted and you have always made the excuse... Yes but deep down...... until one day in a sudden flash of pure insight it dawns on you there is NO deep down, that ship has long sailed!
My own current long term relationship has travelled a long and pretty bumpy ( well full of pot holes really) road. There have been some good times but now on reflexion I´m beginning to think the bad times are getting badder than the good times were good!
That´s probably an exaggeration and I´m mostly to blame, it´s not constant quarrels and disagreements, just a slow shuffle of getting on with doing your own thing and needing your own space etc........
What will eventually happen? Will I be one of those brave ladies charging alone into old age?
Deep down do I prefer my own cranky company? Is that what I really want?
If you have untied your own shrivelled knot and have never looked back or felt better - Ata girl!!
Let´s hear it, sister!!!



How many stars in your bowl?
How many shadows in your soul?


D. H. Lawrence.

You Don´t Need an Invitation to Your Own Life!

Well of course you don´t, but women worry and care about family and friends and sometimes the question arises-- Am I living the life I really want?

People who have the ability to live in the moment are extremely lucky, but what happens to partners and children? Is it selfish to reach a point where all you want to do is exactly what you feel like doing?
This gives rise to another very important question that can hit you like an ice pick between the eyes-- Have I still got time to live the life I really want? Can I take that first step?

All you brave funkyfifties who have had the courage to standstill and completely change direction forsaking all!! Share it with us!!!!




The past has fled, what awaits you is yet absent,
but the present is yours............


Arab Proverb.

Very First Post.

Hi to everyone out there and welcome to my blog. I´m not a writer and this is something completely new for me, so just humour me ! My idea for this space is that all us funkyfifties connect and look at all the major issues that concern us from every angle and point of view.
I know that they are issues that concern other age groups, but for women 50+ they are especially complicated, we no longer have youth on our side and have sometimes lost the zest of bouncing back, so maybe together we can lighten the load for each other.

Here I´ll just throw a few at you.

We´ll start with getting older and being reminded of the fact every time you look into the mirror-no matter that you only FEEL 28! what you see is proof of something else!!!
Coping with divorce at 50+ is so not like coping with it at 30+ you´re caught not only with your confidence sagging!
Teenagers from hell can cause any funkyfifty to lose it and perhaps I´ll leave this one as I could write a book on it. And some!
Job loss is a big one--loss of status and self-esteem. For many women it signals the closing of a very important chapter in their lives and adjusting to a new lifestyle, not to mention budget is extremely hard. If illness strikes it´s a lonely and frightening time, no matter how much support is on hand. Caring for old and ailing parents can be demanding and desolate if it´s all down to you.
But whoaaaa before depression sets in let´s turn this around!
Flip the coin and we funkyfifties are out there looking great and enjoying satisfying relationships OR our OWN company, top of the professional tree or looking forward to new ventures or planning a well earned retirement and what do I know?
Whatever the place you´re at right now, we are all daughters, sisters, wives, mothers, in laws, grandmas and friends at a very special time in our lives and I´d like us to share our experiences, opinions, dreams, disappointments, fantastic moments- all of it!
We are still very definitely worth it and we can be honest and helpful and hilarious for each other. From now on this is your space, whatever´s on your mind just unload here!

Youth has gone-
Fifty years is a long way to look ahead
But looking back it doesn´t seem any time at all!
What´s life all about?
Unknown Author.